GENERAL FUNERAL GUIDE
Long ago, human regulated that there were five funeral regimes: big funeral (3 years), full year, big work (9 months), small work (5 months)… Nowadayas the traditions are simplified a lot. Mourning clothing is often made with rough tissue (mosquito net cloth) or 'tám' tissue which means 'eight' perhaps, relating the width of the tissue roll. It is better to let this for the coffin farm to care, the price of each set of mourning clothing is some 20 to 85 thousand VND. Watching the mourning clothing, one can know its wearer is whether a child, or son-in-law, or daughter-in-law… of the deceased.
+ Son and his son: upper and lower wears, straw hat, banana bark waist belt and mourning walkstick (bamboo for father deceased, nulgar bamboo for mother deceased.) Some catholic families use no straw strip, nor stick.
Following Tho Mai familial ceremony rules [its author is Ho Sy Tan (1690-1760) penname Tho Mai in Hoan Hau village, Quynh Luu district, doctorated in 1721], to wear mourning clothing is to show sentiment, love and regret for the deceased. Therefore, not only relatives but also those who are attendees better to wear mourning bandage, too. Thus, parents can do for their child, so do grand parents.
Nevertheless, northern definition means 'parent bows not to their child' and a child dies earlier than their parent is a wrong situation, a parenthoodlessness, as the childd has not enough time to repay parenthood then shield him/herself from lifedebt. Therefore not only parent wears no mourning sign for their child but also in the contrary, at shroud the deceased must be tied up with a white mourning bandage. Parent sometimes because of much sorrow and pain, faints on a side of their kid's tomb, thus, parent not to follow their kid's burial is what right.
Nowadays, the following method is applied: parent wears no mourning sign for their kid but burns incense, after shroud, one white bandage is laid onto the head of the coffin, this is for the meaning that the deceased is to wear mourning clothing for their parent in future during the time the coffin still home. Needed to think, this is a reasonable and sentimentally suitable thing done.